A Season of Waiting
What I am really decluttering
I was in the basement switching my 6-month-old son’s clothes into the next size, which somehow led to reorganizing our family’s winter wardrobe. That turned into organizing the tool bench, and before I knew it, I was in deep. Full decluttering mode.
My unfinished, dingy, slightly damp basement has never been so organized. One thing led to another, and suddenly I was in a ruthless, no-holds-barred, get-it-out-of-here mindset.
Winter in the Midwest is cold, gray, and sterile. It has a way of leaving me waiting—waiting for longer days, warmer weather, blooming flowers, and sunshine. Maybe that's why my urge to organize has been at an all-time high lately. I've been on a quest to make our house feel less heavy and cluttered, both physically and emotionally.
A year ago, we bought our 125-year-old house sight unseen. My husband and I had been looking for months and when we saw the listing online I knew it was the one. I saw our family growing in these walls, creating memories, and making it our own. We knew there were projects that needed to be done before we moved in or shortly after: refinish the original hardwood floor, raise the banister, restore the original leaded windows, and remediate lead paint. We also knew we’d be taking on a renovation to bring our 1920 colonial into this century and modern way of living. Due to these projects and the projected renovation we didn’t unpack all of our belongings in the new house. Several boxes went to the basement and haven’t been opened in a year. The truth is, I don't even remember what's in some of them anymore. Most contain kitchen gadgets and serving pieces. We may not be ready to host the entire family for Thanksgiving, but we haven't starved yet. We've managed just fine with what we actually unpacked. Which raises the question: if I haven't needed it for a year, do I really need it at all?
The big dream of starting a renovation project to expand the kitchen, add a breakfast nook, mudroom, and pantry, while also building a primary suite and second-floor laundry room, felt exciting and invigorating. We were finally going to make this house exactly what we wanted.
I wasn't prepared for how slowly a renovation of this size moves. Instagram, HGTV, and Pinterest had me convinced we'd be nearly finished by now. Instead, we've spent the last year interviewing architects and contractors, revising plans, comparing bids, and learning that every decision seems to create three more decisions. We are getting SO close to actually starting the renovation but it has been a slow burn, hurry up and wait, and lesson in patience, even though we haven’t even broken ground.
Between finally settling into a nap routine, approaching the one-year anniversary of our move, and still feeling like we're living out of boxes, I've gone into full decluttering mode. I am sifting through boxes, rummaging through closets, categorizing toys, and organizing cabinets like it's going out of style. If we haven't used it in a year, it's being donated. If it doesn't fit, it's tossed. If I don't have a place for it, it's gone. Cutthroat and clean.
I feel like we’re living in excess and have so much stuff. I’d like to pare down all of our stuff and make room for a brighter and lighter home. Preparing for the renovation and potentially moving out of this house or living through construction for the next 10 months.
Somewhere between the donation piles and labeled storage bins, I've realized this might not be about organization at all.
The organizing and decluttering is my way of trying to manage the mental chaos of still feeling unsettled in our home. I run rather anxious and have been on anti-anxiety medication since I was thirteen. Since being pregnant and now nursing I have reduced my dosage, which I can usually cope well with but my anxiety does ebb and flow depending on life circumstances and this holding pattern waiting to start this home renovation seems to be putting me over the edge.
Maybe that’s why spring always gives me the urge to purge. Not because I suddenly need fewer coffee mugs or fewer bins of baby clothes, but because after a long winter, I crave breathing room. Less visual noise. Less mental clutter. Less waiting.
The renovation will happen when it happens.
The boxes will eventually be unpacked.
The house will one day feel finished.
But for now, if organizing a closet gives me the feeling that something in my life is a little lighter, a little clearer, and a little more manageable, then you’ll find me in the basement with a donation box and a label maker.
